The end of all the secrets

This is the last time I will blog secretly about my pregnancy, as we plan to anounce the news to everyone after our appt. this coming Monday. When I was pregnant with Gavin, we really enjoyed having a little secret to ourselves, but this time around, I am hating keeping it to myself. I think I just need the excitement of others to help me get revved up for this unexpected surprise and help me relax a little bit about all the things we have to get ready before he/she comes. It will help my controlling side to know exactly when the baby will come this time, but I'm really not looking forward to another C-section already. I think the worst part is having to wait so long to hold my baby, they wheel you up to recovery, after only a glimpse at the baby. My absolute worst fear is that something can go wrong in the first 90 min. that the baby is out, but I am not with him/her. Daddy gets to be there, at least.

I've been having a few weird symptoms lately, aside from the regular nausea and exhaustion...

I have had multiple dreams that Barry dies while I am pregnant with this baby, and (here's the weird part) the board at CSC sits around trying to come up with who will be my new husband to take care of me & the 2 kids, and will also take Barry's job. The worst part is they are always deciding this, while I sit behind one of those one-way mirrors like they have in the cry rooms at churches. I'm watching them discuss different men, as if this is Biblical days and they are deciding who my kinsman redeemer will be. I've had this dream 4-5 times, and it's always the same 2-3 boys that are up for the job. What a weird dream?? The stranger the dream, the more I will have it. I usually wake up crying or just really angry at the world.

I've also felt bloated more than ever, as if a giant balloon (like one of those punch balls) is in my abdomen and crowding everything out. I am short of breath very easily, and having a harder & harder time with some of my clothes. No one can tell that I'm showing (not even Barry), but man I can feel it.

I've been super-emotional the last week or so. One day I cried 4 times, which is very unlike me, especially when nothing is wrong. 3 of those times were sappy commercials, which is really strange. Not feeling particularly sad or anything, my eyes just tear up all the time for some reason.

I'm really looking forward to my next post where I can make the big announcement!!