Hearing the heartbeat

Today, we went in for a 2nd sonogram to determine if we have a tiny lil' baby who likes to hide from us or if we have no baby at all. Prior to the sonogram, we spent a few minutes talking about what would follow if the baby was no more. Deciding how soon we would need to have the D&C performed, and whether or not we would need my mom to come up for a few days to help around the house with Barry gone next week. Funny, how every shred of confidence disappears when the moment of truth comes, and I instead turn to thinking the worst is happening.
When the sonogram was performed, we were amazed to not only see a dash, but a full-grown peanut with a heartbeat even. The nurse said we probably caught the little booger on the first or second day he/she had a heartbeat. What a change in one week; going from nothing visible to hearing & seeing the heart, and the baby that appears to be 3-4 days older than we had anticipated (at least based on size).
How funny, that this week's bible study was all about having joy no matter the circumstances, and I was dreading completing each lesson with the possibility of losing this baby hanging over us. I suppose I was reserving my joy until the anxiety was resolved, but then that's not how Paul & Silas approached it while singing praises from prison or Stephen when being attacked & stoned. Gosh, I have so much to learn about being filled with joy no matter the circumstances, but for now I have every reason to be joyful. It's a baby! A real, blood-bumping peanut baby!
My next hurdle is remaining joyful through the AM puking that has just started to rear it's ugly head, but man it feels to be feeling all of it again!!
I love you baby peanut!!