So, today was my first ultrasound, which is much earlier than most women have one, because I am still considered a "high-risk" pregnancy. I think the term "high-anxiety" would probably describe it better.
Barry was out of town at a Campus Minister's meeting that he really couldn't get out of without everyone knowing something serious was going on. Since we aren't really sure if this pregnancy will work out, we are very hesitant to share the news with anyone.
So, I went into the office & sat in that cold, dark sono-room for close to 20 minutes (felt like 3 hours) a nervous wreck. It was in a room just like this, when I was all alone, that I found out we lost our first baby. Although time & God have healed that pain, I was amazed at how quickly the memories came back. When my Nurse Practitioner finally came in, she said "we are looking for a sac with a little dash in it." After a few minutes of glancing around in there, she said, "well, the sac is there, but I don't see the dash (the baby)." She reassured me that it may be just too small to see at this point, and we will try again next week. So, now we sit and wait a week to see if there is or isn't a baby. While waiting makes me anxious, I am determined that God has destined this little "oops" baby to be. Either way, we will trust Him to continue to provide for the health and growth of our family.
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